the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
tell me about the eggs
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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