i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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