it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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