Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
