while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
