Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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