Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
