and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
