david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
