you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
