Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
time to smoke my breakfast
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
