who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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