I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
