i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Come on in and take your pants off
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