i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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