I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
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Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
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I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
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