i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
