4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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