Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
