Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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