Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
they're like a gay fantastic four
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
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