Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
