Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
