i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
