Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
