Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
