dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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