Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
my poor anus
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
