I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
