WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
