it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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