i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
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I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
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There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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