My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
