I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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