Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
