When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
