Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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