I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
