you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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