How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize
