My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
