I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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