i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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