why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
