the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
