Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
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