I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
