remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
