I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Randomize
