Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
