no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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