You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
