I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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