TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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