Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
