For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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