im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
