I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
