So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
