my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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