were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
